The Federal Bureau of Investigation describes its mission as protecting “you, your children, your communities, and your businesses from the most dangerous threats facing our nation.” These include “international and domestic terrorists,” presumably defined as people who are planning or have pledged vocally to commit acts of terror. The FBI also claims to “defend and uphold our nation’s economy...and democracy.”
If this is indeed the FBI’s mission, I have a tip for them. I have knowledge that a man will today appear in Redding, California who poses an imminent threat not only to his fellow citizens, but also to the very character of our democracy and the lives of people in other parts of the world.
This man is seeking elected office with the promise of unleashing violence. This man has threatened to murder civilians in the Middle East, South Asia, and the Horn of Africa to punish the family members of those civilians who have committed crimes. This man has committed to violating the law by ordering the torture of prisoners. He has suggested that he will commit deliberate crimes against our environment by bombing oil fields, the consequences of which we saw after Saddam Hussein did the same in the Gulf War.
He has encouraged his supporters to harm his critics. He has pledged to violate our constitution by rounding up people on the basis of their religion. He has pledged to violate our constitution by attacking protections that allow journalists to do their job.
Like other state and non-state terrorists the FBI pursues, this man is seeking to aid the proliferation of nuclear weapons, including to authoritarian states with a long history of corruption and sponsorship of state terrorism like Saudi Arabia.
I implore the FBI to investigate this man and gauge the extent of the threat he poses to our public, our democracy, and our world. While I don’t support pre-emptive action against criminals and terrorists without correct evidence, it seems that some investigation is in order.
He will be recognizable by his enormous private plane, apparently minuscule hands, large tufts of red hair, a face screwed up in rage, and his Fascist ravings. He may be speaking to a large crowd of sympathizers.